This is Cancer.

rhea and kieran

This was one of the first pics of me feeding Kieran after losing my hair. These moments are incredibly special to me but still difficult in light of circumstances under which I had to stop nursing.

 

maddie and rhea2

Trying to make silly faces with Maddie.  She has been amazing through this (“Hair grows back, mama! You are still my mama inside!”) but I can tell it is starting to wear on her and it breaks my heart.

 

pills

Pills/creams/stuff I have had to take since being diagnosed. Amazingly, there are quite a few missing.

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Sleeping it off during a 9 hour (you read that right!) chemo session.

rhea

Day 5 after my last chemo and finally waking up with no bone pain!

 

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First warm day. First day at the playground. First swing for Kieran.

 

maddie and rhea

Walking Maddie to school.

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Getting wiggy with it at Maddie’s kindie concert. Her teacher was amazing and set up chairs in the front row and ushered us in before the crowds came. Maddie got to introduce her class and I was so thankful to be there.

rhea and trina

Chemo fail. Last Monday, my incredible Trina showed up to take care of me with BAGS of snacks and crazy headbands.  We waited to see my oncologist and then I got sent home. Luckily, she stuck around and we went out for lunch, so all was not lost!

Finally, in an effort to be honest, I know all of these pictures show a lot of smiling but for every smile, there are days of tears. I just don’t take pictures those days 😛

Missing in Action

I have been missing in action. The last two weeks have been difficult around these parts. Kieran got a cold and I spent a week dodging it before it finally got me one week after he first started showing symptoms.  By the time I went in for chemotherapy last Monday, I was too sick to be treated. A simple cold has persisted for 8 days now for me and was far worse than the cold that both Maddie and Kieran had. I am rescheduled for my 6th round of chemotherapy tomorrow but I am certainly much more fearful of getting sick now, as constant delay in treatment is not ok. I have started to wear a mask in my own house and have stopped going out to try and ensure that I get better more quickly and to hopefully prevent this from happening again. In any case, I just haven’t been able to write about what it is like to be quarantined in my own house and away from Ryan and the kids. Let’s just say it has been just awesome for my mental health! Ryan said I should make a post with just pictures and I thought that was a pretty good idea.